How Getting Duped on a Dating App Led Me to Getting My Private Investigator License

Love, Table Tennis, and Welcome to my Substack

In Sunday’s New York Times, I report on Michael Hyatt, a two-time Olympian in table tennis who has conned dozens of women (and a few men) out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. He is currently believed to be on the run in Southeast Asia. 

This story had a personal element for me. I, too, have fallen for a top notch deception on a dating app back in 2021. While I didn’t lose financially, I learned months into the relationship that a guy I met on Bumble had an undisclosed wife and two children. I ended things immediately and felt deep shame and stupidity, some of which I still carry today. 

It served as a sobering reminder of something I’ve learned in nearly two decades of reporting on scams – even the best of us can fall for the worst of them. 

I saw myself and other survivors of cons in the stories of Kimberlie, Liz, Jodi, and others I interviewed for the story. It’s easy to look at wild tales of deception in the news, on podcasts or in documentaries – this one with an unusual Olympic flavor – and think, that could never happen to me. 

But in an age of more digital tools and connections, we also have to navigate a golden age of lying. 

I wrote the story not just to tell a tale of a con man, but to celebrate the resilience and savvy of the people who won’t settle for a world where misdeeds go uninterrogated. They pick up, they move forward with healing, and they fight back by living good lives. 

As I reported on the world of love, betrayal, and table tennis, I also became a licensed private investigator in California and a member of the California Association of Licensed Investigators. I’m only a couple of months in and already I am asking and receiving loads of questions about a fascinating, new world that, by definition, goes largely overlooked.  

So, I’m starting this Substack to offer glimpses into how investigation, be it as a private eye, filmmaker, or reporter, is the lens through which I see the world. That there are tricks and tools in this field that can benefit all of us. Exclusive insights! Behind-the-scenes details! Maybe even some dog content. 

Shortly after my own online dating debacle, I ended up finding real love. We read, we laugh, we edit each other’s writing, and he even offers to join me on stakeouts.

Welcome, subscribe, and keep looking over your shoulder.